


He Loves You

by canaca22



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Falling In Love, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, no one knows how to express their feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-25
Updated: 2016-12-25
Packaged: 2018-09-12 00:26:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9047759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canaca22/pseuds/canaca22
Summary: “You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for.”Based on a Richard Siken quote





	

 

 The leather seat is freezing, it's icy grips is felt even through Ernst’s thick jeans. Despite this, there was no place the boy would rather be. Ice is creeping up the windows leaving breathtaking designs swirling every which way as if Jack Frost himself had created his greatest masterpiece upon the window of a beat down minivan. Though Jack Frost may try, he still would never be capable of replicating the cold and refined beauty of Hanschen Rilow.

Only a god could do such a thing.

Hanschen sits poised and proper in the driver’s seat with calculating eyes glued to the road. His expensive looking jacket is bunched up in the backseat revealing his long arms that Ernst can't get enough of. One hand is gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles as he does his best to navigate the icy farm roads. The other hand is draped upon Ernst’s thigh warming his skin straight into the bone.

 

_ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.  _

 

Though many of Ernst’s classmates view Hanschen as a cold boy who only does things for his own self-interest, Ernst knows that there is warmth behind those frosty blue eyes. 

There were no other words to describe the moments of flickering heat Hanschen exhibited when he touched Ernst so softly and reverent, like that night he took Ernst into the backseat of his car, his hands careful and reverent as if Ernst were a precious thing he couldn't believe he was allowed to touch. Their lips brushed together and Ernst could have sworn he could have created symphonies attempting to replicate the intense emotions he felt in that moment. It was a frightening mixture of adoration and fear, something he still can’t shake even after all this time.

 

_ And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired.  _

 

Frankly, Ernst is tired. He’s so over being shoved into closets along with coats and bags while Hanschen can pretend to be the perfect son. Perfect Hanschen Rilow with his perfect life and his perfect parents hiding his deep dark secret deep within the confines of his heart he only unlocks when he and Ernst are alone. 

Truthfully, some days Ernst hates it. He absolutely despises the way Hanschen shrivels away when others are around, how he ignores Ernst at school and pretends that it’s all a game.

Ernst knows better, though.

He can still recall nearly every element of the moment when they first kissed. Ernst can remember the feeling of warmth in his stomach, though whether it was from the kiss or the alcohol in his system he is not entirely clear on. Hanschen’s lips were soft and chapped when they brushed against Ernst’s, his hands were cold when they cupped Ernst’s cheeks and though Ernst could feel roof shingles digging into his behind while the sounds of partying pulsated in the background he wouldn’t trade that moment for anything.

Countless nights after that Hanschen and Ernst would lie atop of the hood of Hanschen’s car, the smoke from their cigarettes travelling upwards into the night sky creating dancing images of swirling ribbons while their lips lazily met one another in a series of soft kisses. Hanschen’s hands would rest on Ernst’s waist then would travel down to his thigh where it would slide upwards and inwards until it drove Ernst crazy. 

They would make love in the old vineyard on the nights when the pills swallowed earlier made every decision feel like the right one. Underneath the cover of vines upon vines Ernst and Hanschen were invisible to the rest of the world and they could truly be themselves. Each thrust felt like a prayer upon Ernst's lips, each scrape of teeth was a wolf tearing him from within, devouring his life until there was nothing left. When Ernst desperately clutched at the fertile dirt beneath him as waves of pleasure overtook him he felt as though he was being buried six feet under on his way to the hell he was surely condemned to for his sinful ways.

But surely something this good was reserved only for the gods, like Hanschen Rilow.

 

_ You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for. _

 

The car continues down the road, the street lights blink in the darkness just out of reach. They pass farm field after farm field without words though Ernst is bursting to break the silence once and for all.  He loves Hanschen. He loves him so damn much it consumes him. All Ernst wants to do is to declare his love but the words catch in his throat as if they are choking him.

As if he was unable to speak at all.

He begins to tremble despite himself which immediately draws Hanschen's eye from the road.  He fixes Ernst with an unreadable gaze and asks him if he's alright, to which Ernst can't definitively say. 

Hanschen reaches over and places his hand over Ernst's and fixes him with a stare so full of emotion he can't completely comprehend it. It lights something inside of Ernst. It's a small light though its steady for its size. It feels like a tealight. Despite its lack of grandeur, Ernst knows that it has the capacity to grow into a bonfire, or even a forest fire destroying all in its path. The light warms him to the bone and he relaxes in his seat, giving Hanschen a content smile.

He smiles back kindly and runs a gentle hand through Ernst's hair. Though he says nothing Ernst can tell what he's thinking.

 

_ I love you. _

 

Ernst's eyes flutter shut briefly before gazing back at Hanschen with an intensity he had never felt before. Though he says no words, he knows that Hanschen understands what is meant by that.

 

_ I love you too. _


End file.
